Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
