I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize