I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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