At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Found the puke drawer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
