it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
