Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
