The maid of honor just puked.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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