how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
