Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
