Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Randomize
