So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
