im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
