Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
