And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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