Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
