You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
