My hand turned me down
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the day after is always just damage control
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
