just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
