i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
