one might say we're banned from that church
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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