He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
