when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize