I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
