Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
