therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
