Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
