Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
