They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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