dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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