glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
