You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
