You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
