Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize