She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
