Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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