She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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