I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
