dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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