wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
