Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
