brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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