i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
