Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
