you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize