a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize