can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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