I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize