Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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