It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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