The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
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