i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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