I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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