my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
