you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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