The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
