1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Operation Purity has been aborted
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
