Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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