just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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