i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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