I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
