I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize