blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The air was thick with penises
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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