one two three fourrrrnication!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
