I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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