I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize