I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
