I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
