Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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