is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
