After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
