we have pet lesbian snakes
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
