We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
