Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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