I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
