Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
