can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
