Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
