I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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