i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
