I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
