therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
