chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
