Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
