Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
