Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All the doctor said was why
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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