i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize