I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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