wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
