The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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