I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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