a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
FUCK WHALES
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
