John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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