I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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