I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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