It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My bed smells like the plague
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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