you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
