Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
