We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
