literally had 100 drinks last night.
I bet he comes in French.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
