yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize