I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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