Kiss
Puke
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
