...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
