and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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