i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
