The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
