Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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