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Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
