I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
