she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
