We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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